So I guess this is what i’m going to tell you of the beginning of my journey and also a large chunk of my adult life. This is something I hope may be an inspiration to others.
Where do I begin? Do i start with my life growing up? Which in itself was actually not too bad. Do I begin with my mom? No i’m going to have to go further back than that I guess.
See My story doesn’t begin with me it begins with those who came before me. It begins with the ancestors who were here before the white man came to north america. It begins with the spirit of my peoples.
I am a Cree indian, one of the indigenous peoples of Canada, but I am also French Canadian with the blend of scottish in the mix. I am known as Metis, my ancestors fought in the red river rebellion, loading muskets for Louis Riel. My ancestors were also tribal chiefs and medicine men and women who healed and helped the tribes.
There is so much to tell if I start here but I suppose there is a reason for beginning like this and I find it fascinating as my family history is one of those that has actually made an impact on the country I live in. Much of this history had been unknown to me until the last two ish years so I guess know where to start…mostly
Like some people I was bullied a lot growing up, we moved through a few small rural towns as well as Prince Albert, one of the larger cities in the province. We lived in a province in the middle of the country where the general attitude was somewhere in the neighborhood of the turn of the 19th century. Much of the mentality of the time was highly racist towards Indians and my mom was a single parent and though metis she was more visibly so. I was picked on alot because of this, but it a lso meant that I didn’t always have friends, if I did it was rare and then they would find some excuse not to be friends as they were wont to do. I never had a group of friends for longer than a few years. So I was the typical loner child, books were my friends and I did a lot of things by myself.
It was in highschool that I had finally found a group of friends I could connect with but even there we would drift after a few years. I discovered something called LARP or live action roll play, an acting game like dungeons and dragons but where you dressed and acted like your character, acting out This helped me alot with finding friends I could get along with and after a few years my life changed again. No longer in highschool I ended up moving in with a friend whom I had hoped to have a relationship with, we were friends with benefits for a few months before I realised he would rather date my friend then me, can’t say that didn’t hurt because it did, so did a long standing crush on my best guy friend which around the same time I realised that nothing would happen with him despite the fact that I asked him to take my virginity at the time I had hoped that he might see me in a different light.
Hindsight is always twenty, twenty, and I had finally gotten closure with my best friend crush, this past year, he now has two beautiful girls and is happy, maybe not married but happy.
The roommate friends with benefits dude well there’s not much to tell about that my feelings about that faded away with most things from my past.
I was twenty-one when i moved to Canmore Alberta, a tourist mountain town a few hours west of Calgary. Things here were more open attitude wise and jobs were easy to aquire I made a few friends there that despite the distance we are at today, I still love them and more importantly keep in touch.
There I was twenty-one and living life, going out with friends and having fun. Spent five years there, and though I had fun I had also begun to realise what I wanted out of life. It was in may 2008 when spirit stepped in and took my choice away from me forcing me even further west to live with a cousin whom I barely knew. At the time my mom and brother had moved in with me in Canmore and so they were with me when we move to Vancouver Island, British Columbia.
A few months after that move, in August, I attended a festival called Pagan Pride Day in Nanaimo, that’s where I met the man who would become my husband.
Now I suppose this is where I tell you I got more spiritual and that i lived happily ever after, but alas such is not the case. This is where I tell you that this is the beginning of my story.
I have always been spiritual, I have been taught the ways of my people when I was fourteen I began to develop an interest in witchcraft, this is where my reading skills came in handy.
I do suppose that during the past ten years I have become more spiritual and learned a great deal, I also learned how a narcissist abuses his victims, the man who would become my husband also abused me. Now lets be very clear there was no way I could have known he would abuse me in any way. As with most things of this nature he was subtle with it and there were times over the years that I would question if what was happening was actually happening.
Now I’m not going to go into too much detail on the abuse part only because as I’m writing this it’s only been a few months since I left him, and as I process and grieve and release the hurt and pain from the past ten years I want to be able to write about it without any emotion behind it.
I realize that writing this now that my story needs to be done in a few parts as there is just somethings in the telling I don’t want to gloss over. So stay tuned for part 2